Becoming A Big Girl

In a few short days, I will be moving out of my parents' home and into a house on my college campus. 

This literally terrifies me. 

If you read my last post, you know that I am incredibly close to my parents..especially my mom. So, moving out of the house, 15 hours away, is sort of a big deal. 

I am doubting myself daily, constantly worrying and wondering if I am really ready for this. I just worry that once I'm gone, something terrible will happen at home and I won't be able to get here quick enough. Likely I'm just being irrational, but the fear still looms over my head. 

Now, I know that tons of college kids move out and do their own thing, but do those kids have the relationship with their parents that I have with mine? Probably not. So, if you were thinking of telling me that everyone goes through this and I'll be just fine, save it. I've heard it all. But my case is extraordinary.

I am just praying that the transition goes smoothly and that I won't be such an emotional mess once everything is set in stone. However, that's probably unlikely. I'm willing to bet money that I cry every day for the first week. Or month.... Maybe every day until Fall break. 

We shall see. 

Here's to becoming a big girl. 

Just Cherish Life

Here's a little insight to my life:

My mom is terminally ill. We found out in 2008 that she has a long list of illnesses that are currently incurable. As you can imagine, that was a struggle. We eventually found a happy medium, and we learned how to deal with her sickness. Some days are harder than others, but she normally has good days. 

However, because of one of her conditions, winters were especially hard on her. The cold made everything worse. So, moving to Florida was a good idea, right?  -Apparently not. 

The past three or four days (honestly, I'm so exhausted and stressed that I'm unsure of how long it's been) have been terrible. Mom hasn't been herself. In other words, she's been talking out of her head, hasn't eaten in days, has been in excruciating pain, etc. It basically feels like we're back to the days we had just learned of all her problems. 

Quite honestly, it's stressing me out, breaking my heart, and scaring me to death all at the same time. 

Thank God that tonight, this morning, whatever, she's finally starting to feel a little better. After she woke up at 3am, she decided she needed something to eat (FINALLY!) and that the blisters on her feet needed bandaging. She ate, we got her all doctored up, and after spilling tuna salad and water on her, I got her all cleaned up and back to bed. She's finally making sense when she talks and she's not been in pain. Maybe this is the light at the end of the tunnel. 

So let me share with you what I have learned:

For the last 29 years, my mom has spent many a sleepless night taking care of my brother and I. She's kissed booboos, cleaned up kid barf, fixed drinks in the wee hours of the morning for a thirsty child, she's sang lullabies to calm us after bad dreams. She's been my caregiver my whole life. Nearly 19 years of her life has been devoted to taking care of me.

Now that she's sick, I'm taking care of her. Most people end up taking care of their sick parents when they're much older than I am now. But still here I am at 5 in the morning just checking on my mom to make sure she's okay.

She's so young, and I'm so young. I didn't think I'd  ever be in this situation until I was much older, with children of my own. It makes me wish that I had cherished her healthy days a little more. I shouldn't have taken her for granted. She's growing older and sicker, and someday she won't be around. It kills me inside to think about it. 

Moral of the story here is to cherish your parents while you still can. In all honesty, just cherish life. 

Everything we have right now can be taken away at the drop of a hat. Our health, wealth, families.. Everything. So never take anything for granted. Life is too precious to be wasted. 

What Women Want

Shh! Don't tell anyone that I'm telling the secret.

While most men, and women too, think that women have no idea what we want, it's not true. As women we have the prerogative to change our minds, but I think we all have an idea of what we want.

You know, life is short. We only get one shot at life and at love. There's no reason to settle for what we really want. There is always room for compromise, but never ever settle for something less than what you deserve and want.

So, I'll give you a list of general qualities that I hear women around me asking for in a man.

1. Intelligence.
Unless the woman herself is a dingbat, she's going to want someone to intellectually challenge her. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  Proverbs 27:17
Women want a man to teach her things and to learn things from her. It's important to find that balance though. We don't want a man that is constantly making us feel inferior, but we don't want to feel like we're teaching a toddler either. There's a healthy balance in there. You just have to find it.

2. Conversation.
WOMEN LOVE TO TALK! It's a given. Women could talk all day long about everything, but what this one really comes down to is having a real conversation. Women crave making plans with their man. It's what we do! And let's be honest, we will swoon all day when you tell us how beautiful we are and how much you care. Really though, most women would be content if you'd just take the time to engage in a real conversation with us. There is nothing sexier than when a man can recite something back to us that we said weeks ago. It's the little things that count, and this one definitely counts.
For me, if I can't engage in a conversation with a man, I lose interest pretty quickly. I'm also very observant during conversation. I remember important little details about the conversation, and in my perfect imaginary world, I like to imagine that the guy I'm talking to is doing the same thing. However, that rarely ever happens.
Intelligence comes in here too. You have to be smart enough to carry on a normal conversation with me, or I am soooo done.

3. Humor.
If you can't make me laugh, go on somewhere. Really. I love when a guy can be completely ridiculous with me. We all know that men are just big little boys. So, let out your inner child. I'm totally cool with it..

With that being said, next comes...

4. Maturity.
It's great to have those silly moments, but it's important for a woman to know that she's not dating a twelve year old mentally. I guess this too is linked to intelligence. Women, with the exception of a few crazies, want a real man. One that can be our protector, our safety, our best friend, our confidante. It's important that you be on a level of maturity in which you know when to take care of us, when to not crack a joke, and when to tuck in your shirt.

Lastly...

5. Romance.
We want to be wooed. Women love that sappy, chick flick romance. So, it's all fine and dandy to make her laugh, but if you can't make us fall in love with you all over again every day, you're wasting your time. Romance is important in relationships. Without romance, you might as well be friendzoned and thus roommates, or like siblings. It's not really a relationship without romance. So, buy us flowers (no matter how many times we proclaim we hate them because we're allergic), take us to see that new chick flick, light a candle or two, draw us a bubble bath and pour a glass of wine. Anything even slightly romantic with a little thought put into it will literally make us love you more.


Women aren't nearly as hard to please as men think we are. Now, I refuse to write anything about physical features on the list, because that's where the lines get hazy for women. We like all different kinds of guys, and for me, well... it doesn't matter what you look like. If you can meet the above requirements, I'm probably already in love with you.

So, fellas, just be yourself and the right lady will come along and love you. We really aren't that difficult to figure out.

Hello, Best Friend! Happy birthday, America!

My best friend, Lauren, is here to stay with me until Monday.
I haven't had any fun in Florida until she got here. It's perfect and I have loved every second of hanging out with her today!

Also, happy birthday America... and Leah!

Jumping in Feet First

I can't remember the last time I sat down and wrote a blog worthy of publishing.
I can't remember the last time I wrote a blog.
I can't remember the last time I really even tried.

Back in my high school days as a frustrated teenager, blogging was my favorite way of expression. Then Twitter came along. I've spent the past few years tweeting, but sometimes a girl needs more than 140 characters, and I'm thinking my Twitter followers will appreciate the lack of me on their TL.

So, here I am, jumping feet first back into the world of blogging.
This blog isn't just for my outbursts of emotion, but it's my life. Things I'm thinking, experiencing, feeling, etc. Hopefully you'll enjoy it just as much as I do...

Shall we?